A Few Tips For That Delicate First Contact

A Word About Confidentiality

Your birth relative has said yes, they would like to have contact with you. All the waiting and uncertainty are over and you can begin contact. You may begin by sharing a letter or two and deciding to share names and addresses. Or you may know even from the start what you birth relative's last name is and where they came from.

We would suggest that you be very discreet in what you share with your friends and family. It can be a very small world. You don't know who of your circle could recognize the name or mention it to someone in the birth relative's home town. Your birth relative may need time to absorb all of this news. While you have been waiting for years, they are only finding out about your wish to have contact. They need time to adjust and mull over this news.

Birth Mothers, especially, may need to keep this occurrence very quiet for a while. Many have never spoken to anyone, even their parents, about this since the time of your birth. In some families, birth mothers may have some difficulty in broaching this subject with family members. Some may never be able to share this news with their family. Often people in previous generations maintain the same attitude that they did at the time you were born.

Some birth relatives are hesitant to share the contact with their family of friends, on the chance that you only wish one meeting, or change your mind about pursuing contact. As strange as this may sound to you now, it does happen. No one knows where this contact will go because you are strangers to each other. You need to get to know one another and determine the kind of contact you want to carry into the future. Once this has been decided, then decisions can be made as to who to bring into the fold.

You have learned to have a great deal of patience while waiting for your search. This will come in handy while you and your birth relatives begin to forge a new relationship.